Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
