is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
