I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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