How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize