She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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