Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
