Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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