wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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