based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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