She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize