Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
