I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
