Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
