Jerry, you need to find god
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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