I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
