We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
