i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
