You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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