his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
