The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
