you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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