No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize