I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
