Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
