Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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