I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
