She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
