Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Please, let me fuck your mom
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
BRING THE BAGELS
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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