after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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