apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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