just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
