'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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