just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize