Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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