i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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