I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
