cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
