that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
