don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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