We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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