Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
