he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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