Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
