i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize