Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize