some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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