We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
