Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
