I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
