We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
