those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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