I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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