counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
