You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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