He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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