STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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