So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
