Don't you send me to vm
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
