Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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