i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
