I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Everyone says I win the strip club
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
