hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
