So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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