think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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