Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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