That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
