dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
