Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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