I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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