he thought i was a dude.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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