just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
