SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
