Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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