Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
