can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It's Friday. Sex?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
