so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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