The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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