thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
