glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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