you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
