I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
