your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize