This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
