so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
