I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize