Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
