My nipple is on Facebook.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
